Take Charge of Your Well-Being
Holistic Resilience Blog
Holding More of Reality
Life can sometimes be excruciatingly painful. We experience trauma, tragedy, and loss, then struggle to integrate those experiences into our understanding of ourselves and the world. Many spiritual teachings encourage us to replace fear with love, trust that everything is happening for a reason, and maintain a positive outlook. Although these ideas do contain important truths, they can feel painfully out of touch when you're struggling to pay your bills, caring for a dying family member, or wondering how you'll make it through another day.
You Are Not Defined by Your Past
We all carry stories about our past. Some stories are painful, some are beautiful, but they all provide meaning and structure as we navigate life. These stories about our experiences shape our identity and perception of the world around us. The problem is that, for many, our stories are often mistaken for labels that describe who we are rather than simply describing what we’ve been through. So, the question is: how do we let our identity support us instead of limit us?
Reframing Adversity as an Invitation for Growth
Adversity and change go hand in hand. Whenever we encounter adversity, whether financial or job struggles, grief from a loss, interpersonal conflicts, or processing inner trauma, we are often confronted with the need to make a change. Something in our lives isn’t working, and we need to evolve to solve the challenges we face.
Why does my life feel so hard?
I’m sure you’ve had those moments when you’ve felt like life is way too hard. It might not be massive incidents that cause these thoughts to pop in. It could be something as simple as forgetting an appointment, being late on a task, or letting someone down. But when it happens, you suddenly feel overwhelmed and feel like you are failing at life.
The story you tell yourself shapes your trauma response:
There is a lot of power in our thoughts and the stories we tell ourselves. Our beliefs greatly shape our reality, and they affect our perception of events and our journeys after we experience trauma.
In September 2008, I returned to Canada after a combat deployment to Afghanistan. Shortly after I came home, my parents held a welcome party for me with my family members. Unexpectedly, I couldn’t help but feel anxious and agitated. Among the normal conversations with my family, I felt a growing sense of tension and dread building in me. These feelings continued to build until I had to excuse myself and get some space.
How to identify and reframe limiting beliefs:
Are your internal beliefs holding you back from overcoming your challenges and living your best life?
We all have internal beliefs that form part of our identity. Some beliefs can be very helpful, such as believing you are strong, resilient, and brave. If I believe I am resilient, I will be more inclined to perform the activities that support that identity. I will apply positive coping mechanisms because if I don’t, it will conflict with the identity I’ve created for myself.
How to silence the voices of your “demons”:
It takes incredible strength, discipline, and courage to wake up daily and confront your demons. These demons take many forms. They might be the mental illness you are dealing with, your grief, or your traumas.
Stop self-sabotaging your healing after trauma:
After you go through a traumatic experience, your ability to manage stress and pressure is often negatively affected. We all know this, but why do we still self-sabotage by putting extra pressure on ourselves afterward?
Imagine holding a cup, representing your total “capacity” for mental energy. Your day-to-day responsibilities are normally well managed, and your cup might only be 60% full on average. When you are functioning optimally, you have the extra space to manage the unexpected stressors that arise.
What palm trees can teach us about resilience:
Images of palm trees have always evoked positive memories of vacationing in warm, sunny destinations. There’s something about the mishappen trunks and shaggy crop of leaves on the top that just whispers “relax and take it easy” to me.
Have you ever wondered why palm trees are resistant to hurricanes compared to most other trees?
Reframing what it means to struggle:
When I was 20, I thought I knew what it meant to struggle.
I had survived a combat deployment to Afghanistan as a soldier in the Canadian Forces. I was newly married. I was a new police officer. I was also dealing with the effects of PTSD.
At the time, I knew hardship and adversity. I had witnessed the traumas of war, come close to dying numerous times, and still felt the pain and grief of loss. As I moved forward with my life, I worked hard to overcome my past traumas, integrating those experiences into my new identity as someone more than my past.